I should be a country singer April 7, 2008

Friday night I performed a couple of songs accompanied by Guitar. One duet- hopelessly yours, Desperado, and Wind beneath my wings. There is something nice about singing a completely simple song adding a little more chest voice to my normally operatically trained voice. Then I got to thinking. I should go country!

Famous country singers are stinking rich and not so famous that they get stalked. How many country singers do you see on the cover of tabloids? Not very many. This may be because country singers are expected to be drugged and drunk which obliterates the shock factor.

Country singers can wear clothes. You wouldn’t have to gyrate  around the stage like Brittney Spears. Just some tight jeans and cowboy boots.

Country fans are loyal. How many old pop singers are still appreciated for their contribution to their genre? Hardly none unless you count the one hit wonder show they have on VH1.  Country singers, once famous, are loved no matter how many face lifts they get. Dolly Parton, Reba Mcyntire, are a couple of examples.  Old, and still singing.

So, now all I need is a band and a contract. Any suggestions?

Spring Fever April 4, 2008

I announced that I canceled the final and my class cheered. The desire to be done with everything doesn’t change from student to teacher. My class preparation has gone from working a week in advance, to  the day before, to 6am the day of, 7 am the day of, and today I managed to prepare my class starting at 8 am. My class meets at 11:30 am so maybe I can push it even further!!!

Now, I am done for the day and wouldn’t it be nice if I could hide in a cave? No. I have to go sing country at a ski patrol party tonight. yodel yodel.

Vent April 2, 2008

Today I made the choice to play a recording of an African American Slave singing a work song. I was a little tentative since I wasn’t sure how the class was going to react. I have 57 students most from Idaho, Utah and only one student that is black (from L.A.). So, I took the plunge and played it. After the song, everyone was quiet. One student said that it had a haunting feeling to it. I said, that he made a good point and that I was hesitant due to not wanting make anyone feel uncomfortable. However, it is our history and it really happened. I am mad that I was even hesitant as Americans should remember the despicable acts for which humans (this includes Americans) are capable.

The truth is innocent Africans died, families destroyed, bodies beaten all to build America. Early Americans were terrorists as they pushed the American Indians off their land, and forced West Africans to make make them rich. Why deny it? Most of the students in my class were not taught about African American history in school, or at least not in detail. Hardly anyone raised their hands when I asked them if they had learned about the Jim Crow law in High School.

Which leads me to another frustration. How do people think that this is God’s country? What gives us the right to go in and bomb Iraq bully countries whose religion and culture is nothing like ours. What is this war against terror, when our America was built by terrorists. Is it because our God is right? The sooner we can give up fanatical Gods the sooner our world can have peace. Not only does this go for American religions but all over the world. The sooner we can give up our animalistic tribal nature can we as a species live in peace with our fellow man.

Utah’s Hidden Secret March 29, 2008

Just an FYI. For all of you that spend big money and fly to Utah to ski Park City, Snowbird, Alta, Canyons: All you are doing is waiting in line like you are at Disney Land. Great Skiing tucked away in the mountains can be found at Beaver Mountain. 40 minutes up Logan Canyon. I grew up skiing here. I skied the Canyons this year and would never go back. Beaver mountain is where it is at. Plus, the ticket prices are about half as expensive.

Furthermore, if you break a leg, crack a skull, or crush your pelvis, I will be there to save you as this year was my first year serving as ski patrol!!!

www.skithebeav. com

Making Soap March 29, 2008

One of my hobbies is making homemade soap. The recipe I got was from a person who for years did this as a profession. The following recipe makes the best all around bar. High lather, Hardness (so it lasts a long time) and super great moisturizing features. My husband use to cover his hands in eucerin cream and wear gloves to bed because his hands were so dry. Now that he uses my soap, he never uses lotion. I am in the process of pestering my husband to put my website  up soon to see if I can sale any online. www.euphorigenics.com

1 lb Water

7 oz of lye

1.2 lbs Olive oil

1 lbs coconut oil

1 lbs palm kernal oil

coloring and fragrance

A stick blender is the best tool as it brings the soap to trace pretty fast. However, with my luck, I have burned out so many motors. So, I use a squirrel bit (used to mix large buckets of paint) attached to my drill so no more burning out the motors. Still a fast trace but not as fast as the stick blender. Wear Goggles and rubber gloves. Lye is super caustic and keep it away from children. Mix the water and the lye. Gently stir and let it cool to about 90-100 degrees. I have it down to where I just feel the glass jar and can tell when its done. Make sure it sits in a well ventilated area. When it has cooled pour it into the oils. Make sure your oils are melted ( I do it in the microwave) but not hotter than the lye solution. Actually it is best when you can have the lye and oils at similar temperatures.

Mix with a stick blender, (or drill) to trace (meaning you lift it out of the mixture and it leaves a trace). Add coloring and scent right before it comes to trace. It should look liked pudding/custard. Pour into a mold, wrap in towels to keep heat in, and let it sit for 24 hours. Then take it out of the mold and let it cure for at least 1 week but it is better if you wait at least 3 weeks.

My scents are:

cherry blossom, lavender, apple spice, Tahitian vanilla, oatmeal honey, orange clover, ceder wood vanilla, bitter orange orchid, energy (citrus smell), gardenia lily, peppermint, blue spruce, gingergrass spa and more.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree March 27, 2008

My father has always had quite the expressive mouth on him when things broke, or projects he was working on didn’t quite fit together. He has softened in his old age. However, living on two acres, he does all the yard work himself. While over at the house I have often walked outside in response to hearing a loud holler only to find him cursing at the air. This cursing accompanies his digging, weeding, or other yard demands. However, he says that it’s his therapy and he loves to do yard work.

Today I had a day free from work. I thought I would spend a couple of hours cleaning up my dissertation then enjoy a ride down to the post office to send it on its way. Well, two hours turned into all day. All I had to do is clean up simple formatting issues. I just bought new toner for the printer so there was no excuse. Well, everything went wrong. Just stupid things like losing a couple of pertinent images.

I have NO idea how it happened (converting it from microsoft word to open office?). Then, I went to print a portion of it and 25 pages came out all messed up! I removed the toner and shook it, still no deal.

I glanced at the clock then had a tantrum. A horrible tantrum where the only words coming out of my mouth “f%$#, F#@$ing, Fu$%!” There were some G#$ Dammit’s and four letter shizzels and combinations of four letter words that when said together mean worse things then when they are said alone. No one was home. Just me. Still, this tantrum left me unfulfilled.

Fortunately my husband was on IM. I typed expletives so many times that HE didn’t even respond.

After eating up most my day, the dissertation is fine despite the fact I still need to rescan some images. Do I feel bad about the tantrum? No. It actually made me laugh as it reminded me of my dad and his very fowl mouth.

Alex’s girlfriend Rebecca March 26, 2008

My four year old son loves his preschool friend Rebecca.

“Rebecca has the most beautiful hair!” ” Oh Rebecca is my girlfriend!” ” I kissed Rebecca’s hand today!” are just some of the things he has said at dinner time.

The other night he said, “Rebecca is going to ask her mom what her phone number is so I can call her everyday!”

However, this time his comment was followed by a jazzy little dance and a hollered song of “oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh!”

What am I going to do when he is 16!

Always bring a sack lunch March 25, 2008

After David and I married in my home town, we quickly ventured out to Indiana so that we could start our doctorates of music at Indiana University. Since both of us love to be outdoors, we packed a tent and stayed at KOA’s rather than hotels. The first drive was somewhere in Wyoming and it was great. The second day David did most the driving and we ended up spending the night somewhere in the Midwest.

That night we popped up our tent and went to sleep on our aero bed. Things were great until one of those Midwest thunderstorms brewed up. Water was seeping into our tent and David had had enough. He said, “screw it! If I am not sleeping, I may as well be driving even if it is 20 miles per hour!” So, we pack up the tent, dried ourselves off and David drove all night in a horrible storm. Me? Slept like a baby.

The next morning, David looked beat. So, we stopped at a greasy spoon for breakfast. I had the works and so did he. It was my turn to drive. We started down the highway pulling a small Uhaul trailer behind us. Within 20 minutes, abrupt stomach pains fell into my lower abdomen. “I am going to shit my pants!” I yelled to David.

David calmly replied,” just take the next exit where there is a Mcdonalds.” Squeezing my gluteus maximus to the ultmate maximus I held on with dear life but realized it was going to get the best of me.

I swerved off the road, pissed off a lot of drivers behind me, pulled down my pants and exploded all over the side of the highway. I tried position myself in the most discreet possible place but as I was letting it rip I looked back, only to see that I was also in front of someone’s home.

This ass explosion wasn’t one that was satisfied after one squirt. This was a series of painful cramps followed by explosive diarrhea. As I was moaning in despair, David so kindly asked if I was okay and that he worried about me. Mind you, we were newlyweds. I said, “No, it hurts!”

The wind picked up blowing the fragrance of my ass towards David. “Oh my God! I am going to vomit,” David said coughing and dry heaving.

“I need toilet paper! Get me something.” I yelled. By this time the diarrhea subsided. However, I didn’t know what to do about the poop that saturated my shorts and underwear, traveled down my legs, and into my sandals…..yes I said sandals.

“There is no toiletpaper, or towel or anything!” he yelled back.

The inventory of our belongings ran through my head at light speed. “The wedding presents, the wedding presents! Get the tissue paper out of the wedding presents!” I hollered back.

So, I wiped myself up with tissue paper, donated my underwear to the highway (oops litter bug!) and David drove us to the Mcdonalds a half mile down the road.

“Well that’s one way to get out of driving.”said David.

When we finally settled in our new apartment, I wrote out thank you cards to all the generous people who showered us with wedding gifts.

“Dear Grandma, Thank you for the lovely gift. The dish is beautiful and thank you for wrapping it in such wonderful tissue paper. Love Leslie”

Poop Story Number 1 March 25, 2008

This happened while I was younger, probably as a high school student. My sister and I use to run all the time together about three times a week.So, one Sunday morning we went out for our usual jog. I kind of felt like I should try to go number 2 because that was custom for me prior to exercise. After some time in the bathroom, I concluded there was nothing there. We started our run and all was well……. until block three. Water dumped into my bowels like a car that wouldn’t start.

I said, “Laura I have to poop!!! go home and get the car or I won’t make it!” She turned around and ran home but not fast enough. Right there on the parking strip of someone’s lawn, I ripped off my shorts and pooped right next to a fire hydrant.I felt much better but it was less than two seconds after pulling up my shorts and jogging away did the garage door of the house where I had defecated, opened.

Can you imagine if I had tried to hold on longer? I can only imagine what the owner thought when he saw my logs steaming up his grass. He probably just thought it was a stupid dog. Now, I have been called a bitch at times during my life, but never in this fashion.

A Child’s Prayer March 25, 2008

So, I am trying to teach my four year old son to pray to God. The night before Easter I said, “Its time to say a prayer.” His prayer consisted of, “Dear God, please bless the easter bunny will come tomorrow, Amen.”

I said, “Good Job,” but felt I needed to bestow the importance of gratitude. So, I said, “That was a good prayer but it is important to tell God what you are thankful for… what you are happy that you have. For example, you have a mommy and a daddy that love you. Some children have mean parents that say bad things to their children and do wrong things like hit. Some children don’t have food to eat, even if they are super hungry. Some children don’t have a nice bed, nice clothes or toys. Can you try to tell God things that you are thankful for?”

He said, “okay” and began to pray, “Dear God, please bless that my mommy doesn’t hit me and tell me that I am stupid and please bless that the Easter bunny will come. Amen.”